Cowboy Jokes
Are you from Texas?
A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy
in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six
shooters.
"Excuse me, sir," said the police officer, "who are
you?"
"My name's Tex, officer," said the cowboy.
" eh?" said the police
officer, "Are you from Texas?"
"Nope, Louisiana."
"Louisiana? So
why are you called Tex?"
"Don't want to be called Louise, do I .
A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy
in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six
shooters.
"Excuse me, sir," said the police officer, "who are
you?"
"My name's Tex, officer," said the cowboy.
" eh?" said the police
officer, "Are you from Texas?"
"Nope, Louisiana."
"Louisiana? So
why are you called Tex?"
"Don't want to be called Louise, do I .
Cowboy and Preacher Wrong Day
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/random/ethnic338.html
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/random/ethnic338.html
A cowboy had spent many days crossing the Montana prairies without water.
His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground,
certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden
he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of
him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what
looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one
ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie, 'You know how I work....You have
three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy, 'I'm not going to trust an
IRS genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks
like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is
right.
'OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and
drink.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever
seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I was rich...beyond my wildest dreams.'
** *POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with
rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.
Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter
where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the U.S. government offers to help you, there's going to be a string
attached.
His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground,
certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden
he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of
him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what
looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one
ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie, 'You know how I work....You have
three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy, 'I'm not going to trust an
IRS genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks
like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is
right.
'OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and
drink.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever
seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I was rich...beyond my wildest dreams.'
** *POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with
rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.
Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'I wish that no matter
where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the U.S. government offers to help you, there's going to be a string
attached.
In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands.
Fart Dixie
A broke dirty Cowboy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey." The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first." "I'm broke, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart Dixie!" The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees. The Cowboy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience start applauding. Then he drops his pants and the audience start cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to shit all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted and leave. The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna fart Dixie! Not shit all over my stage!" And the Cowboy replies, "Hey! Even Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat before he sang!"
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/random/ethnic351.html
A broke dirty Cowboy walks into a bar and says, "Gimme whiskey." The bartender says, "I'll have to see your money first." "I'm broke, but if you give me a bottle of whiskey, I'll get up on that stage and fart Dixie!" The bartender had never seen someone fart any kind of song, so he agrees. The Cowboy drinks the whole bottle of whiskey, then staggers up on stage and the audience start applauding. Then he drops his pants and the audience start cheering even louder. Then, he proceeds to shit all over the stage, and everyone gets disgusted and leave. The bartender screams, "You said you were gonna fart Dixie! Not shit all over my stage!" And the Cowboy replies, "Hey! Even Frank Sinatra had to clear his throat before he sang!"
source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/random/ethnic351.html
Top Ten Country Western Songs
10. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body but Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed with an Ugly Woman but I Woke Up with a Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her to A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Just Like Having You Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips at Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
Classy, no? (Thank you Art B.)
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.
The insurance agent was going down the list of standard
questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by
a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
The insurance agent was going down the list of standard
questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by
a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."