Mexican Jokes
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant one day. Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico ?" Abe replies,"I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.
" He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews." Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?" The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies,
"I check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen. While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere." The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook Manuel, he say there is no Mexican Jews." "Are you certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!" "Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter.
"All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."
When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.
" He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews." Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?" The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies,
"I check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen. While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico . Our people are scattered everywhere." The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook Manuel, he say there is no Mexican Jews." "Are you certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!" "Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter.
"All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.
He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him."Quiero calcetines ( I want socks)," said the man."I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl."No, no quiero trajes (No I don't want suits). Quiero calcetines (I want socks)," said the man."Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl."No, no quiero camisas (no, I don't want shirts. Quiero calcetines (I want socks))," repeated the man."I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl."No, no quiero pantalones (I don't want pants). Quiero calcetines (I want socks)," insisted the man."These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed."No, no quiero sueter(no, I don't want sweaters). Quiero calcetines (I want socks)," said the man"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience."No, no quiero camisetas (No no I don't want undershirts). Quiero calcetines( I want socks)," the man repeated.As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Eso sí que es!" ("Now that's what it is") Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.
Mexican Business Plan
José and Carlos are beggars. They beg in different areas of town.
Carlos begs for the same amount of time as José, but collects only about $8.00 or $9.00 a day.
José brings home a suitcase full of $10 dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend.
"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to José, "I work just as long and hard as you do... so how come you bring home a suitcase full of $10 dollar bills every day?"
José says, "Look at your sign... what does it say?"
Carlos reads his sign: "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."
"What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him.
"No wonder you only get $8.00 or $9.00 a day!" says José.
Carlos says, "All right, what is on your sign?"
José shows him:
José and Carlos are beggars. They beg in different areas of town.
Carlos begs for the same amount of time as José, but collects only about $8.00 or $9.00 a day.
José brings home a suitcase full of $10 dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend.
"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to José, "I work just as long and hard as you do... so how come you bring home a suitcase full of $10 dollar bills every day?"
José says, "Look at your sign... what does it say?"
Carlos reads his sign: "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."
"What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him.
"No wonder you only get $8.00 or $9.00 a day!" says José.
Carlos says, "All right, what is on your sign?"
José shows him:
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says, “Mom, look – I’m a white boy!” His mom slaps him in the face and says, “Go show your father.” He goes to his dad in the living room and says, “Look Dad, I’m a white boy.” His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, “Go show your grandmother.” The boy goes into his grandmother’s room and say, “Mira, Abuelita, I’m a white boy.” His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, “See, did you learn anything from that?” To which the boy replies, “Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!”
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